I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
