The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
