There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
