I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize