Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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