Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
