pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
