"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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