life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
last night I used snow as a chaser
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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