hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
