i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
