Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
