Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
And then my night got REAL pukey
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
