I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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