I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
