addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize