Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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