the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize