we're chasing vodka with high fives
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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