I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
