i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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