So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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