I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
