barbara walters just said penis...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
