I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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