I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
