You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
