We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
