when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
