whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize