Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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