6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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