there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
