separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
