I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
