Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
