i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
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