Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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