So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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