I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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