I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
