I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
