Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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