he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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