I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
