My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
