Yo dont text me then not text me
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
