shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
