Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
