Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
