He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize