For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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