My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
