I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
