One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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