I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
