I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
