hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize
