Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
