He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
