Betty ford says i'm here all night
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
