i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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