I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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