I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize