She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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