Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
