wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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