What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
