I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
