How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
