Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
