Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
