I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i will never coherently bang her
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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