your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
