Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
