i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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