i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
