meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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