I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
