I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
