Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
