we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
