She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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