she smelled like a LAN party
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
