What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Pants are for mortals
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
