We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
