Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
