there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
