I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
