my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
