Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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