I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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