Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
