I'm going to jail i love you
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
