Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
