Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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