Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
