i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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