I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
