I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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