A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
