just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
