so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize